12/02/2005

Random Musings

It's been a while since I've updated, but I still don't really have anything blog-worthy to offer. So instead, I went through my files and came up with some leftover shit that I decided to combine into one nonsensical post:

One time in school, I joined a Badminton team for no other reason than to be able to say the word "shuttlecock." I felt kind of silly for doing it, but in talking to the other members after practice one day, I found out that was the only reason they joined the team too.

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I was laying on my couch the other night having cybersex with RevRee on my laptop. The TV was on in the background, but I wasn't really paying much attention to it. Some time goes by. I finish my business and start to put away Mr. Peepers, when I glance up at the TV: It's some lameass documentary, and they're talking about Andy Williams. Now I'm not too familiar with this man, but apparently he was famous for wearing sweaters and doing wholesome family Christmas specials. As I finished zipping up, it occured to me that I was probably the first guy in the history of the universe who ever jerked off with Andy Williams!!!

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The company I work for is installing a new generator over the weekend. They're shutting down the office a half hour early today so they can cut the power. I was thinking there must be something noble and grand that I could do with that extra half hour. Perhaps I could use the time to help out a local charity or visit the patients in a children's hospital. But on second thought, what the fuck? It's only 30 damn minutes. I'll just go home.

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The other day I was reminded of an incident from my wilder days as a young Dyckerson. One day, a buddy and I somehow got the bright idea to set a dumpster on fire. So we drove around and came across one that was out of the way and full of boxes and other flammables. We made several attempts to ignite it with one of those Bic lighter deals, but the flame fizzled out each time. But my buddy had a gerry can in his trunk, so we went to a nearby gas station and filled it up. Well let me tell you, that gerry can holds a lot more fuel than you think! We went back to the dumpster and started to pour the gasoline all over the crap in the dumpster, but the gas just kept coming and coming and coming. It was way too much, but we had to use it, right? So we finally emptied the can, and everything in that dumpster was absolutely soaked with stinking gasoline. Then we took a wad of dry paper from the car, lit it with the Bic lighter, and tossed it in. Still nothing. Now we were pissed, but undeterred. We went back to retrieve some more wadded up paper, and as my back was turned away from the dumpster, I suddenly felt a rush of heat. I turned around, and holy shit! The entire fucking dumpster was totally engulfed in flames shooting eight feet above it!!!! We were parked only a few feet from this thing, so we frantically jumped in the car, threw it in gear, and sped the fuck out of there. We went back later in the day to check it out, and the dumpster was still there, but the green paint on the outside of it had completely melted off. And the dumpster, which had been completely full of garbage, was now as clean as a whistle.

4 comments:

Little Lamb said...

WOW! A firebug. I can't keep this secret. So you probably started all the forest fires in California. And I bet in my state too! I'm calling the police and tell them you're the one who started the fires in Californial and in my state too!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Go ahead and tell. TG will cover my ass.

Little Lamb said...

Don't think so, not this time.

ewink said...

I wondered what happened to my home. :(