12/16/2005

I hate Bil Keane

Bil Keane is the creator of what has to be the dumbest, sappiest, most nauseating comic strip ever to exist. I'm talking about Family Circus. (Not to be confused with Family Circle, which is an equally crappy woman's magazine with sex quizzes and meat loaf recipes.) I hate Bil Keane, I hate Family Circus, and I hate all those fat fucking kids who never grow up. I want to stab all their fat asses with a pitchfork.

All you have to do is read one installment of this horrid piece of horse shit to understand what I'm talking about. Family Circus is about a married couple with a bunch of fat, squatty, retarded kids - none of whom seem to be aware that it is no longer 1950. At least half of the strips involve the oldest kid, imaginatively named "Billy" (gee, how'd you come up with that one, BIL??!), running around his neighborhood and trespassing on private property. You can tell where he's been by the cleverly drawn dotted line that marks his path. Brilliant shit, Mr. Keane!!

But if you're still not convinced, read the man's self-written bio on his official web site. Here are some excerpts:

"...I started cartooning in high school which I attended when I grew too tall for low school."
"...I worked at the Phila. Bulletin for 15 years where I was a staff artist. I drew staffs."
"...We moved the whole family lock, stock and barrel to Arizona. We managed the lock and stock okay, but had trouble with the barrel."

Need I say more??!

But thankfully, the genuises at www.drivenbyborden.com came to the rescue with their masterful series of Dysfunctional Family Circus cartoons! They're actual Family Circus comics with altered captions, and they are fucking hysterical! I bow to the greatness of the author(s)!! A couple of favorites:


4 comments:

Little Lamb said...

I like the original Family Circus. It's cute. And for your information, my colon is fine, thank you. Youj may read it on my blog located at: http://www.littlelambonline.blogspot.com/

RevRee said...

Best Quote ever! ..."We moved the whole family lock, stock and barrel to Arizona. We managed the lock and stock okay, but had trouble with the barrel."

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Lambo likes Family Circus? Why am I not surprised??

Little Lamb said...

Since you call me Lambo, I will call you Dyckie.

And you know I like wholesome and clean things, and you don't.