12/26/2005

Christmas '05

OK, it's over. Today I have taken time to reflect on this year's Christmas and what it has meant to me. To me, it is about me getting presents. Fuck everything else. Now some of the presents I received were great. But others sucked major Christmas balls. Here's the list:


Let's break it down, shall we??? First, the good presents. cash is always good. Two separate cash prizes were awarded this year. One by Mother Dyckerson and one by Father Dyckerson. Note that Father Dyckerson gave twice as much as Mother Dyckerson; therefore, I love Father Dyckerson best. I also received a gift card to Circuit City, which is almost as good as cash. So kudos to Brother Dyckerson for that one. Rounding out the GOOD list is some Jeep paraphernalia and a green fleece zip-up vest thingy. Useful, practical items.

Now for the bad presents. Topping the list is a loud plaid shirt given to me by Father Dyckerson, who has absolutely no fashion sense. I don't mind plaid if it's done right, but big fat red and blue stripes just aren't my thing. But I'll cut the old man some slack for including a gift receipt in the box. Next on the list is probably the absolute worst gift I have ever received, and I have Mother Dyckerson to thank for it: a black size 3X t-shirt with the witty slogan, "I may be big, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight." Brother Dyckerson received an identical shirt, and neither one of us are NEAR a size 3X. We just looked at each other like, "What the fuck??!" I really don't think my mom gets the joke, if you can even call it that. I mean, the shirt is supposed to be worn by fat people, right? Now I could stand to lose five or 10 pounds, but give me a break! Seriously, I really think Mother D. is just not all there. She also gave me this hideous lighted bobblehead dog which, compared to the novelty t-shirt, doesn't seem all that bad now. The final bad gift, the man cream assortment, isn't really that bad, and I would've put it in the GOOD list, but honestly I'll never use it. Nor can I return it, because I have no idea where the fuck it came from. So the best I can do is regift the thing.

So there you have it. All in all, not a bad year for receiving. But if any of you want a tacky t-shirt or an illuminated bobblehead, I can let you have 'em real cheap.

16 comments:

Little Lamb said...

Dyckie, nice stuff!

You're Busted! Check out my blog to see what that means.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I don't give a damn what it means. I am Dyckerson. Dyckerson is immune to busts.

Little Lamb said...

You're no fun at all. :(

RevRee said...

How much for the hideous lighted bobblehead dog?

minwah said...

My stalker would look great in the 3X shirts....except if she lost weight, she'd still be ugly.

Ho, Ho, Ho....PIMP!!!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

RevRee, as for the bobblehead, make me an offer.

Minwah, would you like the shirts gift wrapped? No extra charge.

minwah said...

LOL - yeah, go for it!! Would you also include a bomb, to be detonated by me at a later, undetermined date and time?

KISSSSSSSSSS

JoinUsForCake said...

I got one word for you: eBay.
I am sure somebody from Kentucky or Alabama will gleefully spend some money on that t-shirt and bobbledog.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Good point, cake dude. Seems hardly worth the effort, but who knows. Perhaps if I doodled a picture of the Virgin Mary on the back of the shirt...

RevRee said...

$2.05 plus a hand job, final offer

minwah said...

No! The Virgin Mary thingy only works with food items or ourdoors.

Grilled cheese, sticky buns and old water stains under an overpass in Chicago - YES!!

Pics drawn by Dyck on the back of a shirt - Nope.

I think the hand job is the best you're gonna get for that bobbledog. Better snatch that up!

minwah said...

oops, I meant OUTDOORS....sorry for the f-up.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Alright then RevRee, SOLD for 205 hand jobs. Better get some Vaseline!!

east coast producer said...

Dycky, your heart can't take it.

WXSlave said...

Sounds to me like it's time for an 80's montage (205 is a lot better get going).

tfg said...

Doodle a picture of the Virgin Mary giving a handjob and I think you'll be in business.