I have been violated...AGAIN!!!

Some of you may remember my post about Kwang Chang, the barber from Hell. You can read about Kwang here. This is the woman who traumatized me after cutting my hair last summer at Fadool's Barber Shoppe. I have managed to elude her on subsequent visits, but today, she was back with a vengeance.

When I opened the big glass door and walked into Fadool's, there she was. The three other male barbers all had customers, but Kwang had been waiting for me. It's almost as if she was expecting me to walk in the door that very moment. Our eyes locked, and I froze. She gestured toward me, and I soon found myself in the chair of torture.

While she began to trim my follicles, I braced myself for the inevitable. I thought I was ready, but this time, she threw me some curve balls. (I suspect she had been tipped off about my previous blog entry by a member of the anti-Dyckerson coalition.) First off, she proceeded to apply some gel-like substance to my head, and as God as my witness, I swear it was duck sauce. It sure as hell looked like it. So she worked the goo into my head, and then, using a small hand towel, she violently buffed my head like a champion bowler polishing his prized ball before a big tournament. She created so much friction, I was afraid the chemicals in the hair goo would ignite and engulf my head in flames.

At this point, my neck was fully clenched in preparation for the death squeeze. But ole Kwang must've sensed this, because she went for the shoulders instead...and her grip was tighter than ever. Shivers of terror ran up and down my spine. I wouldn't be surprised if she had been working out all this time in anticipation of my return. The pain was exquisite, and it was all I could do to keep from screaming out in terror. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally released me from her grip, giving me just enough time to make my getaway. I threw something in the air (I think it was money...) and quickly scurry out the door.

Now this is TWICE. Twice I have been manhandled by this dragon lady with scissors. This woman is dangerous and a menace to society. It's only a matter of time before she strikes again. So Dyckerson fans, I'm calling on you to unite. We must start a campaign to get this woman ousted, and we must do it NOW. Send your letters, emails, and post cards to Fadool's Barber Shoppe and let them know you want Kwang Chang out!!!

(By the way, as it turns out, duck sauce makes great hair gel. Tasty too.)


Little Lamb said...

You're makin a big ado about nothing. The solution is simple. Don't let her cut your hair again! Wait for someone else to do it.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

But Lambo, that's such a cruel thing to do to someone. She probably already feels insecure being the only female barber there. I'm sure she gets rejected all day long, and being the kind-hearted Dyckerson that I am, I wanted to give her a chance.


taoo said...

I am not surprised. She must have been so disgusted by you, that you are lucky she didnt cut you up. Perhaps she should have. Well next time you dont have lunch money, you can go there and get some duck sauce.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Lunch money is not a problem for me, taoo. I'm independently wealthy. Now pull the chopsticks out of your ass and move on.

east coast producer said...