Guitar Lessons with Mighty Dyckerson

Lesson 1: Meet Your Guitar!

Welcome to the world of guitars! Guitars are exciting. They've been around for a long time...and by long, I mean at least 20 years. If you've ever listened to music, chances are you've heard a guitar at some point. But if you haven't listened to music, you probably haven't heard one. If this is the case, please go fuck yourself.

Now, let's familiarize ourselves with the guitar. As you can see in the photo on the right, the guitar is made up of parts. I don't know what most of them are called, but the only things you need to worry about are the string-like things in the middle. I call these "wires." When you touch the wires, they make noise. I can't really tell you why. But I recently found out you can create different noises by pressing down the wires on the neck-like thing which I call the "shaft." The first time I pressed down the wires on a guitar, there was an awful, awful noise. But the noise was coming from me. I was screaming my fucking head off because pressing on the wires hurt like bloody hell. (See next week's lesson on callouses.)

Many of your guitars feature a handy storage compartment. Unfortunately, the wires partially obscure the opening to the storage compartment. This is a major design flaw, and I hope it is corrected in future models. But I like to fill mine with Cheetos and munch on them while I'm playing. I encourage you to do the same.

Anyway, that about wraps up our first lesson. In conclusion, I would like to say that I'm drunk off my ass, and I really need to find a bathroom. Looks like that storage compartment will find another use tonight.


Little Lamb said...

You are a character. Please refrain from the swearing in future posts.

Anonymous said...

This is the best blog entry you could come up with? I think it's time you retire and let the the humor to those who are actually capable of it.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Kiss my ass and get a job.

RevRee said...

I'd like to know more about the "shaft" part

east coast producer said...