11/24/2005

Dyckerson Thanksgiving '05

I have survived another one.

Every year for the last 6 or 7 years, brother Dyckerson has hosted Thanksgiving at his house. So it's my brother, his wife, their 5-year-old kid (my niece), his wife's parents, and my mom. Nothing fancy, just a traditional Thanksgiving meal with my whackjob relatives. Today was no different, with a few exceptions.

This year, we initiated a new member to the group. She's my sister-in-law's sister, I think...although I don't remember. She might have been her cousin. Or she could've been both (they're from the south). Anyway, she's single (presumably no boyfriend) and just moved to our area. As we're being introduced, I'm thinking this is an ambush - Brother Dyckerson is trying to set us up. But she's actually a decent looking chick about my age with a nice body and personality. She was wearing tight jeans and a white blouse with the top two or three buttons unbuttoned to reveal a hint of her more-than-adequate bosom. I didn't have much chance to get any information out of her, because (1) my niece was running around like a maniac the entire time, and (2) I feel a little funny trying to seduce a woman with Mother Dyckerson sitting five feet away.

The other exception to the normal Thanksgiving routine was the neverending delay of the meal. We were all told to get there promptly at 1:00, and that lunch would be around 2:00. Well, I got there at 1:05 right on the dot, and lunch was served around 3:30. ONE AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS LATE!!! Don't ask me why - some crisis with the stuffing, I suppose. Anyway, for the majority of the time before lunch, we are forced to sit through a series of home videos featuring my niece doing a variety of cute things. Don't get me wrong, she really is cute, and some of the videos were quite humorous. But TWO HOURS of that shit is torture.

Finally, the meal is served. There is no blessing. No taking turns saying what we're thankful for. Just food, and lots of it. Turkey, stuffing, ham biscuits, mashed potatoes, yams, mac & cheese, corn, green beans, and 17 kinds of pie for dessert. I'm seated in between my niece and the new chick, so at one point I slipped a hand down the new chick's blouse for fun. She gasped, and I told her it was an accident - that I was simply reaching for the yams. I think she bought it. So later I slipped my other hand down my niece's blouse. (OK, part of this paragraph is made up...I'll let you figure out which part.)

So we all gulp down our food in about four minutes and retire to the family room for the afterglow. I guess that's what you call it. We all just kinda sit around, adjust our pants, and compare gravy stains. We talk about family members who've croaked in the last year and place bets on who will be next. (I put down ten clams on Aunt Edna.) Football is playing on the big screen, but you can't see it because the niece is still running around like a chicken with its head cut off. During a commercial, I get up to go to the crapper, and on the way I whip out my enormous schlong and wiggle it in the new chick's face. She grabs it, gives it a quick lick, and flashes her tits in return. (OK, part of this paragraph is made up too...but my schlong really is enormous.)

Another hour passes, and finally we say our goodbyes. Another Thanksgiving come and gone. As for the new chick, I suppose I could call my brother and get her number. But I don't know if I'd feel comfortable pursuing a woman that's so close to his wife's family. I mean, what if it didn't work out?? Besides, I don't even know if she's really available. So I've decided to stalk her instead. And if she comes to the house for Christmas, I'll do her on top of my brother's washing machine. And I'll videotape it for the family to watch next Thanksgiving.

12 comments:

ewink said...

What a wonderful Thanksgiving. I'm so happy for you, MightyD!

Little Lamb said...

The language! Such language!

Traffic Goddess said...

Dyck-
The schlong belongs to ME!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Don't worry, TG. There's plenty for everyone to share.

RainStorm1212 said...

LOL!!!! You better bow down to T.G., or else! Good story, Dyck.
BTW, I'm having a hard time logging on to your forum. That's why I haven't been on for a few days.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Rain, I always bow to TG!!

The forum has been a little slow lately, I guess due to the incredible amount of traffic we're receiving (8,000,000 hits in the last day alone). Keep trying!

east coast producer said...

As I am boycotting Dyckerville and have recalled my diplomatic envoy, I shall leave this note here on DyckerBlog, the Kashmir of our fued.

Let it be known that The ECP Insurrection on ftvlive continues to go strong. My covertly placed propgranda on the ECP-created "Mighty Dyckerson Not So Mighty" thread continues its place toward the top of the forum.

You can identify ECP-brand Insurrectors from posts referring to Dyckerson as "Dycky," which ECP-brand Scientists devised as a variation that could somewhat annoy Dyckerson.

The ECP State Department sends word that it is witholding a hilarious story on a day-after-Thanksgiving firing at the station at which he's freelancing.

It involves sauce, but it ain't gravy.

! VIVA LA REVOLUCION !

(Brothers and sisters of La Resistance, -.. -.-- -.-. -.- . .-. ... --- -. / . -. --. .- --. . ... / -.-. --- .-- ... / .. -. / -.-. .- .-. -. .- .-.. / -.-. --- -. -.. ..- -.-. - / .- -. -.. / -... .-.. --- .-- ... / ... .... . . .--. / ..--.. )

Little Lamb said...

RainStorm1212 said...
BTW, I'm having a hard time logging on to your forum. That's why I haven't been on for a few days.

Mighty Dyckerson said...
The forum has been a little slow lately, I guess due to the incredible amount of traffic we're receiving (8,000,000 hits in the last day alone). Keep trying!

Hey! Why is it that she gets to still be moderator even when she donsn't show up? I had a hurricane and got demoted. Could you please explalin that? At least during the hurricane I showed up. Rain has not showed up at all.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Complain, complain, complain.

Little Lamb said...

Just answer the question, please.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Rain has been doing favors for me of a sexual nature.

There, I said it. Are you happy now??!

Little Lamb said...

No, she hasn't.