10/16/2005

Porn Is For The Living!

So I had this uncle who croaked a few weeks ago. (Don't worry, I didn't know him that well...and he didn't leave me a dime.) He was a really old guy and a widower - a veteran, served in Korea, yadda yadda yadda.

Anyway, my mom is telling me how they're helping his relatives go through all his shit, and they run across a TON of old Playboy magazines!! In fact, this geezer had a subscription paid in full up through 2009!! Not only that, but they find a trunk full of all this porn - we're talking the good stuff, too!! So I casually ask mom what they plan on doing with all of that (wink, wink). She says she doesn't know, but that they'll probably throw it out. I'm about to be sick!!

Then I ask her about the paid Playboy subscription through 2009. She said they called the company about the subscription, and the operator asked if there was someone else in the family who'd like to start receiving the magazine. They said no, just send a refund. Now I'm about to die!!!

Now, I ask you, what would you do in this situation? You've got a bunch of grieving old people sitting on a mountain of primo porn that's just going to waste, and here I am...a warm-blooded male at his sexual peak. How do I tactfully ask them if I can have it? After all, shouldn't the porn collection should stay in the family and be put to good use?? I think Uncle Dyckerson would've wanted it that way...

26 comments:

Little Lamb said...

You have Revree and Traffic Goddess, you don't need any more porn.

ecp said...

I'd bet you'd get quite a bit for an extensive vintage Playboy collection on eBay.

And hate to break it to you -- but you're well past your 'sexual peak.' I'm a lot closer to it than you are! :-P

Mighty Dyckerson said...

ECP, I'm sure they're worth some $$$, but how do I get them, dammit??!

And age has nothing to do with verility, my pubescent little friend.

RevRee said...

Limbo has a very valid point...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

TG is missing - she could be dead for all I know. And RevRee has jealousy issues.

Porn is always there for you...and porn never has PMS.

Little Lamb said...

Revree said: Limbo has a very valid point...

And just who is this Limbo?

ecp said...

Did you try asking for the pile of porn? If you want to sound a bit less depraved -- assuming you don't already have such a reputation among your family -- tell them they(you) could get loot for it on eBay. Afterall, they are trying to get a refund for 4 years of subscription... what can that be worth? My softporn Maxim costs $10 for two years plus they toss in a free gift subscription. If your fam wants uncle bob's $40 back, certainly they'd be into turning dirt to dinero.

And use the proceeds for some sildenafil, old timer!

Scarlet said...

I don't know if even Dyckerson would have the cojones to ask his mother for a pile of porn!

ecp said...

Why not? Mighty Dyckerson was conceived in an adult book store, ya know.

RevRee said...

OK, OK I meant LAMBO!!! I made a mistake! ATTENTION! REVREE MADE A TYPO!!!!!

Hey, Dyck Jealous THIS!!!

ecp said...

Revree, please calm down. You're frightening our future children.

Little Lamb said...

Revree, it's Lambie or Lamby not Lambo! Make a note of this. Lambie or lamby. Or even lamiekins is ok. NOT LAMBO!!!!

RevRee said...

Ecp, I already have one bastard child from Dyck... ;-)

Lamkins, I'm so sorry!

RainStorm1212 said...

Dyck, your mother is correct. Porn belongs in the trash! Unless the chicks are hot, then.....

D. Maria said...

Mighty Dyck- I’d politely volunteer to get rid of the mags and porn for the old folks. After all they’re more than likely too old to handle it anyway… ;)

Little Lamb said...

Thank you Revree, I forgive you.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

That's a big 10-4, Lambo.

Willo Keays said...

Even prudish old me would not have a problem with this request, MD. Politely ask dear old mom if you can dispose of the magazines for her. Let her know that it would be better for you to "deal with it all" than have one of the other little old ladies have to face the indecency. If mom STILL objects - let her know these vintage magazine sell like wildfire on ebay!

Here's a true story - last year after the hurricanes I had to lay off my marketing department. One of the girls started visiting garage sales while she was looking for a new job - and picked up all the old playboy magazines. One year later my friend is THANKING me for laying her off - she's made more money selling vintage Playboy on ebay than she has at any other job.

The only problem is - Paypal will not allow people to pay you for porn purchases - period. You'd have to find another way to collect the moola.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

How much are the Playboys worth if the pages are all gooey and stuck together?

Just asking.

RevRee said...

I've heard there's a few classics floating around with Dyck in them...

Little Lamb said...

Dyck said: That's a big 10-4, Lambo.

My reply: There it is again! Lambo. I am not Lambo! I am Lanb nothing more, nothihg less. Just plain Lamb. For the umteenth time Dyck, either lamby, lambie or lambykins. ANYTHING but lambo. Is that clear? Do you have any questions?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

No questions here, Lambo!

Little Lamb said...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a question then Dycko. Why do you keep calling Lambo?

RainStorm1212 said...

Because he's a dyck, Lambie. :-)

Mighty Dyckerson said...

UPDATE:

I've already lost out on the porn. And the Playboy's weren't really "vintage." Most were just a few years old. But I would've been happy to age them in my cellar...

D. Maria said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.