10/08/2005

Fuck Comcast

OK, this is an all-out war. I am so fucking pissed, I'm ready to have a coronary.

First, let me preface this post by saying that everything I post on DyckerBlog is based on real experiences in my life. I make nothing up. Sure, I add the occasional embellishment here and there. But otherwise, everything is 100% true. Now on wth the rant!!

I pay Comcast over 120 fucking dollars a month for digital cable, a DVR, and high-speed internet access. For the last several months, there have been periods of time when I get a crappy cable signal. Analog channels were all grainy and hi-def channels were nonexistent. But it was very sporatic, and I didn't feel like taking time off from work to wait at home between the hours of 8am and New Year's Eve for the pothead cable guy to come by and tweak a screw... or screw a tweak. Take your pick.

Finally, this past week, I'd had enough. I called the Comcast bastards and set up an appointment. Thursday afternoon, the dude comes by, spends all of five seconds looking at my signal, and goes out to the service box on the exterior of the building. (As some of you may recall, I live in a condo).

Now, let me explain how this works, because it's important to the story. There is one main cable coming up from the ground. That cable goes into this service box. In service box, the main signal gets amplified (I hope) and separated into eight separate lines, one for each unit in the building. OK, so now you know. So cable dude opens the service box (which is NOT LOCKED, mind you), fiddles around for a few minutes, and comes back in. He says, "Yo, man. I just switched your connection with somebody else's, so hopefully that'll fix 'er." (Great. So you really didn't do anything.) Then he adds, "Now you might have this problem again, 'cause one of your neighbors might call and complain... and another tech will come out here and switch 'em around again." (Fantastic. Thanks a lot, homey.) Anyway, I had to get back to work, so I didn't have time to tell this guy what an idiot he and his company is for having this shoddy setup to begin with.

Well, everything was fine til I got home from work tonight (Friday). I grab a cold one from the frig, prop my feet up on the coffee table, and turn on the big-screen to catch Gilmore Girls*. Nothing. Nada. I remembered what cable dude said about the switcheroo game and the neighbors, and I am pissed. Somebody has been fucking with the cable.

So I get on the horn to Comcast calmly explain that I have no signal. Operator says, "Did you check the connection to your TV?" (OF COURSE I DID, YOU FUCKING MORON BITCH!! YOU THINK I'M GODDAM RETARDED?!!) She continues, "Well we don't see an outage in your area. The earliest we can send someone out is Tuesday." (WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU THINK I'M GOING TO SIT HERE ALL WEEKEND WITH NO CABLE AND NO INTERNET WHEN I KNOW DAMN WELL SOMEBODY'S BEEN FUCKING WITH THAT BOX? BULLSHIT!!!)

At this point, I can see I'll have to take matters into my own hands. I grab my keys and my flip-flops and head outside for the service box. (May I also add here that it's pouring rain outside.) I figured that since the box was unlocked the day before, I should have no problem getting in there. Well guess what. It's locked. Somebody's definitely been fucking around here. But now I can't get in to the damned box. And I'm wet.

Not to be deterred, I go back in, rummage through my shit, and try to find something I can use to pry open the box. Five hundred tools and nothing works. Fine, I ain't done yet. I hop in the trusty Jeep and head to the local Lowe's, where I purchase a pry bar. That's right, a pry bar. I'm pretty much losing control by now. Once I'm back home, I venture back outside (it's a fucking monsoon outside by now), and try out my investment on the box. One...two...three! GOT IT!! The box is open!!!

I take a quick survey of the situation, studying the spaghetti of black coax that's crammed in the box. Not pretty, but not complicated either. I see there's one unmarked cable that's not hooked up to the distribution amp. It's just laying loose in there. Hmm. Let's give it a try. So I connect the cable to one of the unused outputs on the D.A., peak in my window to see my TV, and voila. I have cable.

Now the title of this thread is "Fuck Comcast." And Comcast could use a good fucking for various reasons... and they will be dealt with when they come by again next week. But I suspect that the tampering that went on today may have been the work of neighbors. I could be wrong, but it seems awfully strange that MY cable would be completely disconnected, just ONE DAY after having the cable dude out here. That, plus the fact that I have some shitty neighbors.** These assholes need to be dealt with, and I have a revolutionary idea of how to do just that...

...BUT...

you'll have to tune in next week to see what happens!!!!


* Yeah. Gilmore Girls. You got a problem with that???
** See 09/25/05 post entitled, "Fuck Neighbors"

23 comments:

Little Lamb said...

Temper, temper.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Don't start with me. You're probably the one who's been fucking with my cable.

Little Lamb said...

Now would I do that to you?

ewink said...

What you should have done, was after you reconnected your cable, went, watched some porn, and then ejaculated on the cable lines.

It wouldn't do much other than give you the satisfaction of knowing that if your neighbors fucked with your cable again, they'd have Cream-O-Dyckerson on their grubby little paws...

Angel's Hell said...

Okay dude being a Richmond bitch from Hell myself I can tell you: you have YET ANOTHER reason to tell Comcast to go fuck itself as they started a utilities war with your neighbor. These are really lousy, as I can attest having lived in a Near West End building where they had fuses, yes damnit fuses. My suggestion, find the person whose connection was switched with yours and go to their fuse box (too bad if it's switches, fella) and unscrew their fuses, but not all the way. That way, they have to look and THINK which might be hard. That is fair paybacks for what they did to you. But really, I say fuck Comcast for all they are worth. Cause when one apt. has a bad signal, since there is only one line and it's SPLIT, they all have bad lines. So, yes, Comcast does suck. Aren't they in Chesterfield county primarily????

Mighty Dyckerson said...

An excellent idea, Ewink. Where the fuck were you when I needed you??

Actually, the cable box is in a busy area, so it might be better if I ejaculated in a condom and then went outside and emptied the contents of the condom on the lines.

I'll start saving up now...

Ike said...

I'd switch the lines, then put my own lock on the box.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Angel's Hell - So you're a Richmonder too, eh? A native or just passing through?

Yeah, Comcast pretty much makes their own rules...because they CAN. They're the only game in town for cable - Chesterfield AND north of the river. And unfortunately a dish is out of the question because I'd have to put it on my patio, and my patio faces the wrong direction. (Which reminds me... funny story I need to post about my experience with Dish Network at my old apartment.)

I'll think about the fuse tactic. But with my luck, I'd probably get electrocuted.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Ike - that's a thought, but it's not padlocked. There's a key built into the door that turns a latch on the inside. But it's pretty easy to defeat with my handy dandy pry bar from the good folks at Lowe's.

But thanks anyway for visiting DYCKERBLOG!!!

WalMartNation said...

Any chance the commies at your condo would let you put a dish on the roof of the building so's you can get around having to go through the Evil Empire (comcast)? I want to hear this Dish story too...

Mighty Dyckerson said...

A dish on the roof? Are you kidding?? These bastards form a lynch mob if you leave a broom on your patio for more than five minutes.

mike said...

you know that yellow foam crap that comes in a can? unplug your douche neighbor's connection, and fill the box with foam, then mush the door shut, a few days of drying in the hot sun will require no less than heavy machinery to replace the box, or surgery to carefully cut the hard ass foam, PLUS some comcast guys have to sit in the hot sun and do the work while you watch

Anonymous said...

I cant fucking stand Comcast. I am at this moment dealing w/ an internet connection that goes out every ohh... 10 minutes. In a few weeks I'll have FIOS... it cant come quick enough! FUUUUCK COMCAST, I HOPE THEY GO OUT OF BUSINESS

Fareed Riyaz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I work for this shit bag of a company and I can't think of one thing I could say to make you feel better. Just be carefull! One of the corperate spys at comcrap might read your post, trace your I.P. and CONFRONT YOU about everything you said against them!
Not to mention "Comcast Cares" is a big load of BS. They care so much they'd fire an employee for missing work due to FUCKING SURGERY. Yup. Gotta put off your own health for the sake of the company!
Do I smell a new Hitler in town??

Anonymous said...

I totally agree im having the same god damm problem with the shitty fucking new basic cable boxes. My service goes out like ten times a day i already thought it was a stupied pointless idea for them why couldent they just leave "basic cable" basic but indstead over half my channels went out and i had to order these stupied ass boxes that always fuck up and there a pain in the ass to set up plus you have to call them and give them a bunch of numbers to activate them and the only person to talk to was some stupied dumb gook bitch who can barly speak english. FUCK COMCAST AND ITS A FUCKING FORTUNE AS WELL!!

plumberx said...

Dude you are to funny. But I wish you good luck with the jerks.

Comcast Sucks! I went with Comcast for about a month some thing told me to keep my att Service just in cast. The internet service was slow; The Cable service was always interrupted. Costumer service is lousy. And the guy that sold me the service never told me about all the hidden fees. If I ever see him in the street his got a &**)# coming. F Comcast. I don't normally talk like this but I am so pissed.

Brixius said...

It is a little known fact that the FCC protects the rights of any person who wants to have a satellite dish, provided that your dish remains in an "exclusive use area," meaning an area completely within the confines of your apartment or balcony and you do not make any permanent alterations to the property. You do not actually need the permission of your landlord to install a dish. No matter what he says, your rights are protected by federal law. Follow these steps to take on this home project.

http://www.hindmansanchez.com/docs/fcc_rules_on_satellite_dishes_and_antennas.pdf

Anonymous said...

I FUCKING HATE COMCAST

Anonymous said...

Comcast is run by complete idiots. No one communicates with anyone else. The Tech guy tells me the complete screw up is not his fault..he's just going by the work order. The phone operator can't be held accountable she's just reading what's on her computer screen and she's not a tech person and wouldn't know what the tech guy needed.
I have now scheduled my third appointment for an uneducated, untrained tech guy to come to my house to replace my gateway (which has "outlived its useful life") with the fabulous new wireless router/modem system. The first appointment occurred after I had spent hours on the phone with Comcast only to discover I had to order my router on line. I ordered it exactly the way they told me to and received a receipt telling me my order was confirmed and would arrive in 3 to 5 days. Six days later no router. I call Comcast and the operator tells me there's no order. I read the receipt to her. She says the technician is bringing the router. The technician arrives the next with no equipment an no clue what he's supposed to do. I go on line with him to make sure I order the right equipment and it goes through. Yay! success! We reschedule for next week. The equipment arrives during the week in a box with a big red sign that says "Stop don't open until your computer is ready to access the internet" So I don't open it and wait until the Technician arrives. This makes two Saturdays I've ruined waiting for Comcast. Today's appointment is from 8am to 11am. He arrives at 2pm. He opens the box and says "ooooh they sent you the wrong equipment" I control my rage and say "your technician ordered this equipment last week" He says, "I'm going to ask you to call Comcast." I say, What's the point. It's an exercise in futility. Wait for hours to talk to people who can't help you. Despite my better judgment we call and talk to a nice lady in Canada who says gateways are no longer used only wireless routers and modems. I look at the technician who says yeah I knew that but they didn't tell me to bring a modem. You can tell she wants to say to the tech you're an idiot you should have an extra modem on your truck. He gives me a long sob story about how nobody know what they're doing at comcast and the last tech was an idiot. Canada lady can't get a new appointment for me. Local tech idiot calls his dispatcher and we set up my next appointment for the next idiot to come and ruin my next afternoon waiting to bring the one stupid piece of equipment to set up my router/modem system.
There! I think if I hadn't told the world this I would've started ripping Comcast cables out of my wall.

Anonymous said...

I google "fuck comcast" and the first result is this piece of shit site?!? I expected more than this. Fuck this site and I hope your tv breaks asshole!

Anonymous said...

Amen. I've lived with Comcast and their bullshit for years. That company is run by fucktards. I will celebrate the day Comcast goes the way of the telegraph and pony express.

tehgamedude said...

IM FUCKING FED WITH COMCAST, I PAY 120 $ A MONTH FOR THE FUCKING INTERNET, AND EVERYAFTER NOON I GET DISCONNECTED, FUCK YOU COMCAST, YOUR WORSE THAN AT&T!